My smile and genuine zest for life are representative of how I feel almost all of the time, but I was not always this way. After I transitioned to using a wheelchair more often than not (about two years ago), I was sad and frustrated just about every day. It was hard to get used to the changes I was facing as a result of my physical decline in my lower legs (and then some). However, I knew I had to tackle the feelings of sadness and frustration to get where I wanted to be mentally, and I DID!!!
I am writing this entry to share what has helped me cope with life's difficulties on my own.
To be completely transparent, I am not depressed or suicidal, but I expressed for years through tears I did not want to live this way. It's freaking HARD to have a disability. I did not understand how hard until I was faced with one. The irony of being at the level of disability I am at is I have a lot of company instead of being alone as I had been for so many years battling multiple sclerosis that looked different on me than almost everyone I know with the same diagnosis. For that reason, I do NOT feel sorry for myself at all nor do I feel alone.
Since my transition into a wheelchair happened to coincide with the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, I took advantage of time where no one was doing much in the way of going out and decided to work on myself.
The following very simple method helped me tremendously and I feel the best I have in years in spite of my physical decline.
1. Removed toxic people from my life.
This is one that I wished I had done sooner, but glad, nonetheless, I did it. Narcissism and toxicity are more prevalent in our society than I thought. By nature I may not be sweet, but I am incredibly accommodating, which allowed me to be easy prey for these types of people (basically, I was a human doormat).
The last piece of toxic garbage went out of my life at the beginning of this year. He is the one who WAS the general contractor who royally screwed over my husband and me on our condo remodel (more of this story coming later).
Today, I am free of toxic people and learned to set boundaries, stop being accommodating at the risk of hurting myself, and recognizing red flags sooner/trusting myself.
2. I bought page-a-day calendars with positive and motivational quotes.
UNFU*K YOURSELF and Today is Going to be a Great Day
The messages on both of these calendars help me stay unstuck and bring sunshine into my days. They also help me stay on track with the goals I have in life.
3. I used and continue to use a Tourmaline (Black) stone as a mechanism to help me remove negative thoughts.
It's a great item to hold in your hand while telling yourself let go of negative thoughts. As silly as it seems, it works. It's really a way to focus and recenter, but it does not hurt that the stone is supposed to be/do the following:
- Mental Healer
- Protects Against Negative Energies
- Increased Physical Vitality
- Clears Negative Thoughts
- Encourages Positive Attitude
4. I learned to trust myself and what I am doing to help myself.
Doctors did study for a long time, but no one knows you better than you know yourself. Therefore, I stopped taking doctors words on everything and started taking most matters into my own hands. Over the years, the most fear about my condition has been brought on by doctors, unfortunately.
Physical rehab taught me that no matter what I do I may still decline. I love physical rehab and think it does AMAZING things for people. Since my physical baseline keeps dropping, I decided to keep exercising and do what I think will help me best at home and essentially have amassed a home gym and rehab consisting of many affordable aids I found on Amazon. Oddly, I am in the best shape of my life while having the biggest physical problem of my life.
5. I lived and continue to live for me, and I like to do just about anything to keep life interesting!
I do not go out often, but when I do, it counts. This world has too much to offer to keep doing the same things over and over. My husband and I go on explorations near and far to learn and absorb culture. This is especially important when regular activities like going out to eat are just as difficult as an adventure. This is why I may not be as keen to go out to eat as I am to go on a short road trip. The effort for both is the same and I would rather choose to do the bigger item.
6. I reduced my "gossip" talk.
I realized a few years ago while gossip can be fun and really give you something to talk about, it is typically mean spirited and negative. Two things I am not interested in participating. Social media sites started to feel like "gossip" talk to me too. What is real??? Spending too much time on Facebook and Insta was not making me feel very good, so I decided to visit them infrequently and not spend much time on them when I do. The sad side of this is I am missing legitimate good stuff and wonderful life experiences you are sharing.
7. This is weird one, but I found so much solace in watching TikTok.
TikTok allowed me to see and follow a lot of people who are like me physically and/or dealing with something difficult (also animals, dancing people and other less serious things that bring me joy). Through the plights of all of these strangers, I found something beautiful. Something I did not expect; a place where I could be encouraged!
Also, I do not see many people in wheelchairs while I'm out. Who knew they were on TikTok? Granted most of the people I see are 20 years younger than me, but to see them smile and overcome so many obstacles, my hope meter for my life keeps going up as I watch.
I chose this route versus seeing a therapist because I share everything anyway/keep nothing inside and because I knew (based on past accomplishments), I had to go this one on my own and figure out how to unlock the goodness waiting for me if I overcame a lot of the badness. It took almost two years of hard work, attention to detail, thinking through my past, and a lot of reading articles on living with a chronic problem, dealing with problematic relationships, and so on, but it worked!
