Don't Laugh. It's Not Funny. It's My Life.

About three years ago, I agreed to dog sit for my parents while they were on vacation.   At approximately 6:23 AM, Snickers, my little furry terrier mix mutt sister (Rest in Peace Snickers), woke me up to let her outside. I opened the door to the already somewhat sunny backyard and walked out with the dog.   She ran around the perimeter of the pool and through the various bushes and shrubs that line the six-foot tall wood plank fence (I never really understood the difference between a bush and shrub, so I looked them up online and found out they are one in the same.   BTW – I have Attention Deficit Disorder and an obsession for looking up things online).   Snickers was having fun running and then out of nowhere, I hear shrieking. I peer into the shrub where the shrieking is coming from and I see one of Snickers tan little front legs bent, so I immediately and instinctively reach into the shrub to grab her thinking somehow she broke her leg.   There I am hold...

I needed to do a little grocery shopping tonight, so I stopped by Whole Foods. The first item I needed to get was parsley (for the guinea pigs, Gus and Richard Lewis). I started grabbing bunches of them and one kept falling off the shelf onto the floor, so finally, I put some extra force into getting in back on the shelf and staying there. There was a man who was maybe in his 50s watching this. I smiled at him and laughed about what just happened. I strolled away to get the rest of my items and I continued to be on every aisle with this man. I kept smiling and trying to do my grocery shopping and he kept smiling back. It made just a wee bit uncomfortable. When I was done gathering my food supplies, I rolled over to a register and my new friend decided he needed to get in line behind me (yippy). He stopped, looked at me, and said, "You have such a nice smile." Don't get me wrong I will never turn down a compliment, but I was now stuck at the register and force...

Two dear friends invited me out for drinks tonight at La Duni NorthPark. I was happy not to be going home and wallowing in sadness (i.e. getting drunk by myself - it's true, it's what I would have done). I walk into the restaurant and immediately recognize someone I went to high school with who is my FB friend and I haven't seen in 16 years, which was weird, but nice to see a familiar face I haven't seen a while other than in a tiny little square of a photo. I sit down and I'm having drinks with my friends and we're talking about all different topics one of which is ex-boyfriends (not the most recent one) and no kidding about 10 minutes later my phone starts ringing and it's one of my exes. CRAZY! I normally would not answer my phone, but to entertain my guests, I did. He was actually calling to see if I wanted to go on a double date with the girl he is dating. A day late, a note short there, buddy. I realized he had not read my FB posts this week, s...

I was half-way joking when I said to my dad yesterday that I need to form a dating committee to choose people for me to date, but now I think I really do need a committee to select people for me to date. If you have any suggestions or want to help me date quality men, please feel free to share. You know how to reach me.

WOW The ex-super super dumb boyfriend sent me a long e-mail about his feelings and was supposedly coming clean with the truth except that the e-mail still contained lies. The other girl was able to tell me, since she got to read the e-mail herself because I supplied it. What a classless arse he is. I hope this is my last post about the loser and I will refrain from sharing his e-mail here. Although, I'd love to because I think everyone should know how screwed up he is. Oh well, I'm so happy I can laugh. No tears for this one at all.

Well, almost 24 hours after posting my last blog. I found out I that my boyfriend who has consistently told me he loves me and wants to marry me for the last almost 7 months cheated on with someone we mutually know. I had to find out from another mutual friend of the girl he cheated with and it is this blog that made the other girl realize that the guy she has been "doing things" with was also my boyfriend. Who is stupid enough to cheat with someone who their girlfriend is friends with on Facebook? My ex-boyfriend's first response was to lie and say he didn't do anything. When he finally told the truth and I asked why he didn't tell me a month ago when this happened, he said he didn't want to jeopardize our relationship. Seriously, come on! I am a woman of my word and I am 100% done with this sad excuse for a man. G-d bless social networking. I no longer have to go on the river trip and I'm single again!

My boyfriend, Scott, asked me if I was interested in floating “the river” (Guadalupe) a few weeks ago. I said, “Sure…that would be fun.” I haven’t floated the river since I was in college, but I have heard of all different aged people still going, so I didn’t think too much of it. A couple weeks ago Scott mentioned he booked the hotel room for the trip. I didn’t ask any questions because that’s the type of laid back cool girlfriend I am. ;) Last week when Scott was talking about the trip to one of his friends, I decided to ask who was going with us. He told me his friend Jimmy and girlfriend Karen. I’ve been around Jimmy a whole three times and Karen one time. Jimmy is 28 and Karen is 24. This was a little bit of a problem for me seeing as I am six years older than Jimmy and a whopping 10 years older than Karen. The one time we met she was a little tipsy and was quite humored by how old I am. This made me feel exceptionally awesome. Also, Karen is a size 0, folks. I’m ...